Heartless Pelosi Says, ‘Trump is Faking His Diagnosis to Wimp Out of Debates’

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has stooped to a new low by declaring that our dear leader, President Donald Trump, has faked his diagnosis with covid-19 in order to get out of the final presidential debates. What a liar!

Everyone with more than one front tooth, a single-wide trailer, and two brain cells to rub together knows that impeached President Trump dominated the first presidential debate. And by “dominated,” we mean “acted like a human tsunami, unhinged from decency, reality, and decorum.”\

And now he has COVID-19. Boo freaking hoo. It couldn’t have happened to a nicer COVID-denying, hydroxychloroquine-hyping, science-ignoring buffoon.

Following Trump’s tweet that he and his gold-digging third wife have contracted COVID-19, Speaker Pelosi told a socially distant gathering of prominent Democratic donors that Trump is obviously faking his diagnosis in order to avoid two more debate debacles.

“He absolutely has to be faking. This is his attempt to weasel out of the final two debates like the whiny little brat that he is,” said Pelosi. When reminded that impeached President Trump has repeatedly spit on the science and the advice of his own government’s medical team, Pelosi replied, “You do have a point. I guess with a West Wing full of anti-science cretins who refuse to wear masks and follow some basic, common-sense guidelines, it was bound to happen. Oh well.”

Trump’s chief medical adviser, Dr. Sandy Batt, rolled her eyes and threw her Miller Lite against the wall when asked for a comment about Pelosi’s statement. “All that fat tub of goo had to do was listen to us, wear a damn mask, and maintain six feet of distance. But nooooooo. He ignored us. Please tell Speaker Pelosi he’s not faking. He’s just a f*cking dumbass.”

This would ordinarily be the point where we’d wish a newly diagnosed COVID-19 patient a speedy recovery. But I really don’t care, do you?

Leave a Reply