Despite Trump’s Condition, Biden Refuses to Postpone Debates

The news of the President and first lady, as well as several staff members testing positive for the deadly Coronavirus this week has dominated the news cycle and sent a chill through the American psyche.  The Walter Reed hospital, where they are receiving treatment has been deluged with cards and flowers by well-wishers, sending prayers and messages of strength to our leaders and their peons.

One figure who isn’t as sympathetic to the crisis, however, appears to be his opponent, former Vice President and Senator Joe Biden, who simply offered brief condolences, declared himself free of the infection thanks to “not being a dismissive imbecile”, and stated that the remaining two debates need to continue as scheduled, despite the commander in chief’s kharmic condition.

Biden’s Assistant Campaign czar Joe Barron released a brief press-copy to the media explaining the Democrat’s reasoning.

“We all know the first debate degenerated into pure chaos, revealing zero insight on any of the issues, exactly how President Trump had planned.  It’s what he does.  Turn any situation where he has no argument and no real solutions into a circus to distract attention away for his easily-amused base of psychos.  Well, just because he tested positive for his own “hoax” plague, that doesn’t mean he can sit out being in the hot seat to defend his nonsense against a dose of Mr. Biden’s reality.  Nope.  Our legal teams will have him rolled into a John Travolta bubble and pushed onto the stage by people in the suits that the feds used to try to dissect E.T. wore if they have to.  The debates will go on.  No notes from mommy about your bone spurs this time, porky.”

With the next debate scheduled mere weeks away, the President’s caretakers are rushing his treatment as best they can in order for him to continue unabated.  We may have to just trust that our thoughts and prayers can travel at the speed of light.  And down a ventilator, if necessary.

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